Friday, April 4, 2008

April 4th

About mid-way through the day, I realized it was April 4th; forty years ago, just after midnight, I got on a chartered flight to Cam Ranh Bay, Vietnam. About this time of day, MLK, Jr. was murdered in Memphis: not directly related events, of course.

Both events had begun earlier, and had, in my case, been largely decided by 28 Sep 66, the date I joined (yes, you heard that right) the U S Army. Before then, my life seemed as if it might have a point: if not immediately, then at least it might develop one. For the past forty years, it has not seemed so, though I have continued to look, and to try to make one.

You see, I am convinced, despite these decades of evidence, that my life has a purpose, which is not summed up in social or interpersonal roles, nor even in occupation or profession. This week, I answered two important questions "Yes, I do"

Do you believe that Godde loves you?

Do you believe She has a purpose for you that She wants you to fulfill?

Perhaps the questions arose from this week, though I didn't share the significance of the date with my interrogators. (One of them already knew, of course). Therefore, I am trying something different and very difficult for me, though I have been enticed by my previous experiences with it: silence. I'm not sure yet, but this may include less internet participation.
Let she who has words of wisdom speak.

Speak, Lady, for your servant is listening.


Kirstin said...

Silence can be good. Do what you need to do, and know that we love you.

The Pagan Sphinx said...

This is interesting because just this week, I answered two questions, one of my own and that of a loved one, with that same answer. And they are big, big questions.

There is very little I find insignificant in this life...though I am not always inclined to discuss it to death.

I am, naturally on a totally different page than you, but this post resonated with me and I just had to comment.

Grandmère Mimi said...

Johnieb, prayers for you to know the next step now that you've answered those vital questions. If it's silence, go with it, but we'll miss you.

The Pagan Sphinx said...

Yes, best wishes. May love, peace and harmony be with you. I will remember that great post of 5 March.


Jane R said...

Peace to you, my brother.

I have been seriously considering keeping Sabbath, probably on the Jewish Sabbath (Friday sunset to Saturday sunset) since Sunday is usually a work day for me, and while I would not be strict to the point of, say, not driving, I am thinking that this Sabbath should mean abstaining from internet. (I used to do this when my only temptation was e-mail, then stopped.) I may not start till after this academic year is over for reasons that you know, but I know that I am in solidarity with you even if you shut up way before I do and do so on a full-time basis. Leave the blog up, though :-).

Bless you for your thoughtful and beautiful words. (((JohnieB)))

May Holy Wisdom,
kind to humanity,
steadfast, sure and free,
the breath of the power of God;
may she who makes all things new, in every age,
enter our souls,
and make us friends of God,
through Jesus Christ,

-- a prayer by Janet Morley

johnieb said...

Another lovely prayer; thank you all.

At this point, silence feels more intimate, more private and personal, than giving up internet conversation, though your suggestion, Jane R., of keeping Shabbas may be something I take up. For now, it means times of quiet listening for what She Who Is--"steadfast, sure, and free"--is saying for and to me. It is a style of prayer, and it occurs to me to look in *When in Doubt, Sing* to see what is said there about such matters.

Most humbly and most gratefully, I thank you all for your prayers and counsel.